Few tips for the Brazilian football fans ( from an Indian cricket fan)

I feel your pain .. I do.. I know how it feels to be humiliated ( in my case over and over again) .. I have seen more humiliating defeats than you..

Brazil fans

photo courtesy – Agencia Brasil – Wikimedia commons


I can’t tell you anything about how to play football (Germans might), I can’t even tell you how to support your team, you Brazilians have been phenomenal over past few days. There is one thing I can tell you for sure –

‘How to continue supporting a mediocre team over a long period of time without feeling humiliated’  

So here are some tips from my end to ease some of your pain

1 Choose a God – Forget ( F**K) the team, tell yourself that the team is irrelevant. Just choose a player to worship (Neymar?) and just worry about his performance. Be happy if he scores 2 goals in a match (even if your country loses ). Worry more about his personal records..Take his adulation to such a level that the world will only know your country for that one player. Makes life much easy.  If you still have doubt then just ask Maria Sharapova – ‘ Who is Tendulkar’, by now even she must know !!

2 Make it about Money – Pay lot of money to best players in the world and bring them to Brazil.. Don’t worry if it impacts the local talent negatively. Money makes people happy. Like the Roman kings, create a spectacle in the Colosseum.. People will stop thinking about the national team and their performances.. Money talks .. If you are not convinced then give a call to Lalit Modi.. He might be able to do something for you

3 Choose a different sport/ team – I am not sure if you have noticed but whole of India watches the football world cup and cheers for some or other team. Learn something from us. We never worry about our national team , we are bigger than that. We generally support anyone who will entertain( and win)..This time it is the Germans, next time some other team. We don’t bother ourselves with the pain of possibly never seeing India play in a world cup.. Have you guys tried watching cricket? Do that and try supporting Australia ( for now). That might help take your mind off the stupidity that football is (I bet you think the same way about cricket)

4 Develop selective retention – Do you see me talking about the painful defeats in Sharja? Or the time when a British cricket fan hugged me outside Edgbaston after a humiliating defeat in 3 days? Nope.. I just talk about all the glorious time and just conveniently forget the bad memories. Do that.. It helps.. And in all fairness , you hardly have lot to forget .. Just get on with it

5 Blame it on the conditions – I am not sure if that will work in football but try.. Start slowly blaming it on conditions and you will start believing it eventually. Ask any cricket fan and they will tell you that Indian teams are not expected to play well in England, Australia. SA and so on.. Our teams try to change our opinion once in a while but we stay firm .. Learn from us.. Start believing that south american do not play well against Europeans .. I am sure there is statistical evidence.. Create some if there aren’t…

I can offer much more to you but I think these 5 tips should serve you well for now.. You team has lost badly just once.. You felt the pain cause this is a new experience for you..

It is like love, it hurts when your heart gets broken for the first time.. Trust me it gets easier with every passing heartbreak.. and who knows, this might be your first and last heartbreak ..

Yours truly

A seasoned Indian cricket fan


This is the Indian cricket team I can relate too!!

I have a confession to make. Few months ago I said that this generation would not understand the plight of an Indian cricket fan in the 90s and late 2000s . I am here to wholeheartedly apologize and accept that I was wrong. I am convinced that after seeing the recent NZ tour and the Asia cup, this generation exactly knows how I felt back in the 90s (I can’t wipe the ironical smile off my face while typing this)

India Vs Nz 2014

I guess it was all getting bit boring.. Dhoni taking India safely to victory.. No more heartaches.. no more losing close matches…no more cursing hopeless players. I am not sure about you but I had stopped worrying about the Indian team ( read as stopped being a fan anymore). I was just not able to relate to the Indian team for past few years. But I must admit –  it feels good to experience the pain, agony, frustration all over again. I think I can be an Indian cricket fan again as this is the India cricket team I always knew !!

Lets do a quick test and you tell me if you agree

Did this team raise expectations and then disappointed? 

Yes !! The 2nd test in NZ .. guess I need not say anything more

Does this team have characters which can frustrate any fan (or captain) ?

Yes !! Case in point Ishant Sharma .. enough said

Has this team perfected the art of losing close matches?

Yes !! Asia cup.. If the Sri Lanka loss did not convince you then the Pakistan one will..

Is this team over dependent on 1 single player?

May be .. Virat Kohli seems to be the new Tendulkar (oh sorry I guess it is Dhoni..but whatever)

Does this team lose to lower rank test teams abroad (read as NZ)

Yes .. oh yes !!

Does this team lose close matches to Pakistan (apart from world cup)


Does this team have a lot of overrated players?

Yes.. Rohit Sharma, Ishant Sharma, Jadeja… Take your pick !!

As a fan, do you still feel that this team can win something some day ?

Yes .. They almost made me stay awake at night for the NZ 2nd test

May be this is the lull before the storm. May be this is just a phase ( in the 90s it wasn’t) and just may be I would not have to write a post like this again. Till then, I might just become a fan of India cricket again cause this is the team I always knew !!

Surendra Phatak

An Indian cricket fan from the 90s