Few tips for the Brazilian football fans ( from an Indian cricket fan)

I feel your pain .. I do.. I know how it feels to be humiliated ( in my case over and over again) .. I have seen more humiliating defeats than you..

Brazil fans

photo courtesy – Agencia Brasil – Wikimedia commons

 

I can’t tell you anything about how to play football (Germans might), I can’t even tell you how to support your team, you Brazilians have been phenomenal over past few days. There is one thing I can tell you for sure –

‘How to continue supporting a mediocre team over a long period of time without feeling humiliated’  

So here are some tips from my end to ease some of your pain

1 Choose a God – Forget ( F**K) the team, tell yourself that the team is irrelevant. Just choose a player to worship (Neymar?) and just worry about his performance. Be happy if he scores 2 goals in a match (even if your country loses ). Worry more about his personal records..Take his adulation to such a level that the world will only know your country for that one player. Makes life much easy.  If you still have doubt then just ask Maria Sharapova – ‘ Who is Tendulkar’, by now even she must know !!

2 Make it about Money – Pay lot of money to best players in the world and bring them to Brazil.. Don’t worry if it impacts the local talent negatively. Money makes people happy. Like the Roman kings, create a spectacle in the Colosseum.. People will stop thinking about the national team and their performances.. Money talks .. If you are not convinced then give a call to Lalit Modi.. He might be able to do something for you

3 Choose a different sport/ team – I am not sure if you have noticed but whole of India watches the football world cup and cheers for some or other team. Learn something from us. We never worry about our national team , we are bigger than that. We generally support anyone who will entertain( and win)..This time it is the Germans, next time some other team. We don’t bother ourselves with the pain of possibly never seeing India play in a world cup.. Have you guys tried watching cricket? Do that and try supporting Australia ( for now). That might help take your mind off the stupidity that football is (I bet you think the same way about cricket)

4 Develop selective retention – Do you see me talking about the painful defeats in Sharja? Or the time when a British cricket fan hugged me outside Edgbaston after a humiliating defeat in 3 days? Nope.. I just talk about all the glorious time and just conveniently forget the bad memories. Do that.. It helps.. And in all fairness , you hardly have lot to forget .. Just get on with it

5 Blame it on the conditions – I am not sure if that will work in football but try.. Start slowly blaming it on conditions and you will start believing it eventually. Ask any cricket fan and they will tell you that Indian teams are not expected to play well in England, Australia. SA and so on.. Our teams try to change our opinion once in a while but we stay firm .. Learn from us.. Start believing that south american do not play well against Europeans .. I am sure there is statistical evidence.. Create some if there aren’t…

I can offer much more to you but I think these 5 tips should serve you well for now.. You team has lost badly just once.. You felt the pain cause this is a new experience for you..

It is like love, it hurts when your heart gets broken for the first time.. Trust me it gets easier with every passing heartbreak.. and who knows, this might be your first and last heartbreak ..

Yours truly

A seasoned Indian cricket fan

 

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